It seems that most of the subjects on Channel 4’s The Undateables are autistic. Not sure if this is for entertainment value or whether it’s because being autistic really is a barrier to successful dating.

Honesty and Too Much Information

I think that one of the problems that I have is that I am too honest. I give too much information when it’s not needed, and this can sometimes cause problems.

I recently lost a friend because of this. She was already mad at me for something else that I had thoughtlessly done, and on the evening that we resolved that, I screwed up again. We were texting away when someone else contacted me. She was upset so I told her to call me if she wanted a listening ear. 3 hours later, when I put the phone down, my friend had left several voice clips and had gone to bed.

She sounded a little disappointed that I’d not responded, so I sent a message apologising, explaining that I’d been on the phone for 3 hours, and that I’d had a really interesting chat.

The tone of our conversation changed again the next day, and she cancelled plans to visit me. We didn’t speak again until the end of the week when she bought the phone call up, saying that I’d made her second best.

There was nothing to the phone call. I have no interest in the person I was speaking with, yet by telling my friend she feels that I do have an interest, and that I’ve made her redundant.

I didn’t need to explain to my friend why I’d not replied to her. I could even have lied and said that I had fallen asleep, but I didn’t. Instead I gave too much information. To be fair, I didn’t see and still can’t see why it would be a problem.

So if I can screw up a friendship so easily, imagine how good I am at screwing up a relationship by not telling white lies, or by giving too much information.

In my last relationship with Nathalie, she demanded 100% honesty. She said that she’d been lied to too many times in the past and whilst she might not like the truth, she’d probably get angry but then get over it.

So I was truthful with her. At the time I was going through the post breakup stage with Maria, and it wasn’t always easy. Nat would ask what was going on I would tell her. Looking back this was a mistake, but because she said that even the hint of one lie would be the end of us, I told her everything truthfully.

I guess that she couldn’t handle it. She started to make things up, based upon what I’d told her, and this would lead to frustration on my part and I’d end up putting the phone down on her.

I don’t know what the solution is though. By nature I just tell the truth, give all the information, even when it would be safe and sensible not to do so.